“It’s the systems for me!”

Hey, Hi, you good? Well, I’m not, but oh well, here we are. So let’s get into it, shall we?

Wuuuueeeeh! Sema writers block. Sema inconsistency. Sema demotivation. Yoooooh!!! This never used to be this hard. I promise you there were days when I just had so much to say, all I needed to do was just start writing. Then my fingers would just get a mind of their own. Deep, deep sigh…

For the first time in my life, I am literally having to force issues and just push myself into doing stuff that I would normally put off. But then if I do, at best I’ll run behind and at worst get stuck in a rut. And booooy, don’t nobody gat time for that here. So I guess forcing issues it is. Right? I’m sighing so hard right now coz I don’t even have a clue where this is going. Legit, my energy is not giving what it needs to be giving right now. But hey, we move regardless.🤷

Also, just a quick rant here, just because I can. Lol! If this is what they called growing up, then they must have oversold the idea and under delivered! Because, what are these? I’m I the only one who feels cheated? The analogy that comes to mind is, you remember that overambitious Deputy Principal back in High School? The one that everyone was afraid of crossing. The one that was just doing way too much. I mean ma’am, S.I.T. D.O.W.N! You are blocking my joy. I mean… Do you mind? No? So you’re just going to keep reinforcing these rules that nobody likes? Okay then, have it your way.That’s me to me, nowadays. All the time 🙄🤦. (Set-Commit-Adopt-Fail-Repeat). I can’t imagine I am actually saying this, but it was so much easier when it was someone else’s job to reinforce the rules. If you ask me, adulting is to some extent parenting yourself. Only now, with personal biases. Constantly, beating your body into submission is such an extreme sport!

But hear me out, though. The bells, the parades, the timetables, the assignments, the rules and regulations, the ruthless punishments, the constant check-ins or as they liked to call them, PTAs, the discipline masters et.al. Don’t you think they all served a purpose? Or better yet, would you have been a functioning adult if you never went through all that in the formative years of your life? Honestly, I don’t think I would. The irony of it all is, I thought I was perfect. I mean, don’t we all?

As I continue to evolve, discover and rediscover myself while still figuring out how to be my parent, principal, discipline master and so on. I am led to conclude that I was made to operate under systems. Take the system away and this machine is doomed to jam. No cap! It’s really not rocket science though, right? I mean, why is she stating the obvious, huh? I know, I know… Yet for some wild reason, we fight soooooo hard to get out of these systems, and by we, I mean me. Calm down, you’re perfect.😅

You see, growing up, like most of you, I’m sure, I was so obsessed with the idea of becoming an adult and being I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. Oukrrrrr!!!

I mean, when I tell you I was thirteen going to thirty, it is not even an exaggeration. I am told I “skipped” a few of the “universally acceptable phases of childhood and teenagehood” (rolls eyes). For example, the whole losing track of time while playing phase, or whatever it is that children are “supposed to do” (Side bar: Who comes up with these rules though?).

So basically, I wasn’t your typical child. (PS: Nothing fancy about that, just different). I always felt so out of place around most of my peers, unless it was like a conversation I thought was deep. Hah!!! Yoooh, now that I think about it, those were quite some toxic traits right there chiiiiille! A girl thought she was every woman/man and that apparently it was all in her. Weirdly, enough though, that girl is still in there somewhere, I don’t know. That’s beside the point anyway. Bottom line, I wasn’t a big fan of community. I only seemed to be interested in hanging out with people who had “been there, done that”, if you catch my drift. Too obsessed with getting to the next season, at the expense of my now, then. Never pausing to entertain the thought of basking in a reality that was “just not good enough”. Was it ever going to be?

I was always working the system to get out of the system. For instance, I remember thinking that the system was trash, but had no issue bowing to it just to get by. I rarely got into trouble, but deep down, I was just cursing all the administrators of the system. In one breathe I’d be like “why do I have to be up by 5:00 o’clock?” Yet in the next, I would be overly concerned about tardiness. “Why do they give us so much homework?” Yet curiously among the first to submit the assignment. I worked the system alright!!! Or so I thought. I was convinced that if by some happenstance, I got out of it, then my life would finally take off. Sigh… A moment of silence for the naivety of it all. 🤦

Now, if you ask my peers, they’ll probably tell you that I loved the system. Coz for some reason, the system seemed to work for me. I thrived under the system. Probably because I avoided trouble at all costs. At least that’s what they saw. And to some extent, I agree with them. The system did work for me. I thrived in school, at least academic-wise. Matter-of-fact, to-date put me under a system and ensure there is no way for me to circumvent it, I shine. Now, will I throw a fit?Absolutely. Will I be conflicted while obeying? For sure. Will do it without grumbling and a lot of unnecessary murmur, most likely not. But listeeeeen, will I love the results? No doubt, sign me up!!! There it is.

Now in the same way, for every area of our lives to grow some roots and bear fruit, there’s got to be solid operational systems in place. The thing with systems is, they are not fancy or pacifying. If anything, on the face of it, they are strict, hard to corrupt and just downright boring. Nonetheless, they set the tone for success and get the job done.

Yet at some point in our lives, we decide we know better and choose to ‘be our own persons’ and neglect foundational systems. Living out “our truths”. Laughable! I thought truth was just truth🤔. Then we wonder why there’s so much chaos in the world. You see, when they insisted on punctuality in our formative years and punished us severely for tardiness we resented them. Perhaps their method of enforcing these systems was crude and their mode of delivery prolly damaging, but the principle was there. Those systems were a foreshadowing of how we were to lead our lives going forward.

Now, we can either get stuck on the woulda, shoulda, couldas, or humble ourselves and have a teachable moment. You see, we sometimes get stuck in our feelings and ‘what makes us happy’ because we refuse to acknowledge that sometimes results come from the ugliest places. The messiest places. The uncomfortable spaces. If we are to live impactful lives, we must abandon the idea that we have to like it, to do it. It’s a lie from the pits of hell and I dare say that, as one who knows the struggle. One who still wrestles with the little ol, stubborn rebel in her that just won’t bow easily. We are too obsessed with enjoying everything we do, we lose sight of the goal.

Contrary to popular belief the goal is not to be happy but to live in purpose. Now, I’m I a sadist who just believes that people should just lead miserable lives. Absolutely not. If anything, I am preaching to the choir. But as I look back on my life, some of the achievements I am most proud of now, were birthed from very unsettling waters. On the other hand, some of my biggest failures were propagated by my need to feel it out first, testing the waters and half-hearted commitments.

Now case in point, I believe in God and here we do talk about God a lot, so buckle up. Anyway, as I was saying, I believe in God and one of His character attributes, is order. See, systems reinforce order. He is in fact the author of systems. Light and Darkness, that is a system. Seed time and harvest, that is a system. Everything He made fell under a system. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him (Colossians 1:16). (Perhaps, I should have led with that.)

Now, we have all heard of the creation story. If you haven’t, even better, go read the first three chapters of the Bible firsthand and you will be all caught up. You will also be thoroughly tickled, but more than that, you will encounter God.

As you’ve probably already picked up, I used to be one ratchet ol mess, okay. Until Grace! He came looking for me in utter darkness, destined for death as my only sure punishment. I mean, I had violated and disregarded all kinds of systems He’d put in place to keep me in check. And don’t get it twisted, the systems were more for me to live in purpose. And less of Him curtailing my tastes and preferences. They were there to protect me from what, only He, as my creator knew would destroy me. Surely, by that fact alone, I should have been dead. In fact I was dead. Alive in the flesh but dead in the spirit. A shell of myself really. The self He created at least. The one that bears His spitting image. So, I was pretty much alienated from the life-giving water, yeah! (I see you following and nodding, imagine so were you.)

So, guess what he does. He crafts a way to get me back into His divine system. Listeeeeen!!! He makes a way out of a hopeless situation. I mean, He had seen it all. My struggle with trying to work the system to try and rush through to the “good part”. You do know, I had been working His system too, right? Let me be a good child, so that… Let me go to church, so that… Let me listen to my teachers, so that…Let me refrain from answering back at my very African mum, so that… Lol! This chic had Audacity for days. A death wish was more like it. Sheesh!!! I just got the chills.

I say all that to say, I had tried it all. Doing right by God or at least tried with the rule books and the commandments and the dos and don’ts but none of it ever had a lasting change. Though my actions were somewhat correct, the posture of my heart wasn’t, the wiring of my mind wasn’t. I was just doing what I Had To Do, To Get To… Exactly, I’m sure you get the drift.

So, through his divine plan, he created a system, one that would cost Him, Himself really. Salvation it was! He sent His son Jesus, to die for my sins and tip the scale, earning me a new life in Him. A fresh start with Him. His Spirit, now dwells within me as a helper, even before I knew I needed one. He came all the way through, people. All the way through!!!

Now, quick question. Did God enjoy seeing His Precious son mercilessly suffer and die? No. Did He enjoy seeing all the sins of mankind pinned on His one and only PERFECT SON? Of course not!!! However, did He halt His plan, because it was too unbearable? No. He allowed His plan for Salvation carry on and fulfil its intended purpose, 1000%.

Let’s now talk about Jesus. Did He enjoy the lashes, the crown of thorns, the mockery, the pinning on the cross. Yes, read that again. He was pinned on the cross. Like the way you would draw a pin inside a wall to hang a painting. But now, imagine nails being driven inside flesh. I am sure the mental picture is clearer now. Lest you trivialize it! Reflect on this: Did Jesus, in the flesh like/enjoy/ applaud/ soak/bask/ in what led up to our salvation? The pain, the turmoil, the frustration, the shame, the suffering? Well, of course HE DIDN’T! He was in anguish, over what was looming. It was no mean feat!

39 Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples followed Him. 40 When He came to the place, He told them, “Pray that you will not enter into temptation.”41 And He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, where He knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done.” 43 Then an angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him. 44 And in His anguish, He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground. 45 When Jesus rose from prayer and returned to the disciples, He found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow.

Luke 22:39-45.

Yet my bible tells me, in Hebrews 12:2 that, “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is now set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

You know, it was one thing to know what He was about to go through; but to know that this was the only way to fulfill the ultimate plan of God to save fallen man!? I mean, the pressure of it all. The weight of the world on His shoulders, literally. He really went through this fully God. But this is what we brush off… he was also fully man. He felt it all!!! Surely, If anyone gets it, it is Him. And guess what, that is why He is the only way to the Father. The Way, the Truth and the Light. He is the only person of the Trinity that had a human experience. He felt it all!!! Hebrews 4:15 ” For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.“

You see, there’s always a temptation, especially when faced with tragedy or a looming threat of tragedy, loss, pain, suffering to think that it is not of God. To start casting it away and crediting it to the works of the devil. Perhaps because in our fallen state, we associate pain and suffering with isolation from God. Eden. A consequence of communing and reasoning with the devil. Our girl, Eve having a whole conversation with the serpent. So when trouble looms, we pray it away, or develop mechanisms to “work the system” in a bid to avoid the inevitable.

But listen here, as one of my favourite bible teachers likes to say, “If it was promised… it must come.” Whether you stay prayed up or otherwise, read the bible till you turn blue, pray in tongues or preach till your saliva dries up. Suffering is a part of the ride. Ask Abraham. Ask Job. Ask Jesus. Ask someone who has lived long enough to tell the story. Check your Ts and Cs. Just as rain falls on the just and the unjust, so it is with pain and suffering, trials and tribulations. And it is not about God settling scores or being supposedly malicious. We ought to have been dead remember? It’s really just life. Guess what, He has even given us a heads-up in John 16:33(a) “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble...” So we really can’t plead ignorance! No need to act brand new, good sir/ma’am. It will happen! And if it hasn’t already, all you need to do is just keep living.

Somewhere along the way, life will from time to time throw a curveball your way that just throws you off, destabilizes you, is an inconvenience, frustrates you or “slows you down”. Well, at least in your opinion. Yet, being the good good Father that He is and not a sadist by any regard, turns it for your good. Creates in you a clean heart. Transforms your life and moulds your character. Rewires your mind to align with His thoughts towards you. Reprograms you to His system, just because He is God. Now, will you throw a fit? Yes. Will you immediately submit to a blind plan, prolly not. Will it feel like death? Absolutely! Will you prolly lose loved ones and stuff you have always clinged on to? Yeah. Will it kill you? Only the you that needs to die. Here’s the thing, unlike Jesus if God were to reveal some of His plans for us, we would leave Him mid-speech.

I am learning, albeit, through a lot of frustration, that God has already judged the condition of our hearts and already knows what works on who. That He knows us personally, understands our personalities and loves us uniquely. That, it is His mercy, to reveal to us His plan for our lives in bits. To once in a while interrupt normal programming with breaking news instead of showing us the entire blueprint of our lives at once. I don’t know about you, but I prolly wouldn’t stomach it all at once. It would be a lot!

But in all this, there’s a hope. There is always a hope. Our sure hope in John 16:33(b) reads as follows,“…But take heart! I have overcome the world.” As in, He did it all, so that, all we had to do was walk on the already mapped out and all the way lit up path He walked on. He overcame, means He literally cleared the way. Slashers and all. As in there’s no chance that a serpent will distract us on the way by talking crazy. We are not doing anything new. He mapped it out for us, so no GPS errors. He left no stone unturned. And when we are overwhelmed, better than anyone, He understands. He did what the Israelites toiled for and miserably failed in for centuries upon centuries. All in a matter of days, He closed the gap. His system is tried and tested. We have nothing to be afraid of or lose. IT IS FINISHED!

Finally, when all is said and done, may God help us and give us a revelation like He did Paul, to say,

“But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.”

1st Corinthians 9:27

TESTIMONY SEGMENT: (SEE GOD)

SEE GOD:- Isn’t it beautiful what God can do with a weary but surrendered heart! When I started writing this, I was very lowly and just forcing myself to do the right thing. It was more about discipline than it was content. It was hard, I even took a break, coz it felt pretentious… I had grown accustomed to feeling it then doing it. Plus writing always comes easy to me. This was a first. But turns out God wanted me to live it as I preach it. At the most unexpected date and time, He showed up and did again! So be encouraged. I pray that this encourages you to keep doing what He told you to do last, even if you don’t feel Him or feel like it. He is able.