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“Lord, For your Glory,”… “Hmmm, Okay!”

Posted on by IDENTIFIED

Have you ever made one of those ambitious prayers we like to make when on a spiritual high and immediately regretted it? Oh! I see what you’re doing, you are out there wondering hmmmm🤔🤔🤔… what might that be? Perhaps a little background will help jog your memory. The year was 2016 when I discovered a gospel musician by the name Jaye Thomas. Anointed worshipper, the guy can siiiiiiiiiiiing!

So, in true Yvonne fashion, I decided to go look for all His songs and boy was I hooked… I mean the songs were on replay and full blast every time I got a chance. Love this guy, but that’s not why I brought him up. There’s this one song he did, more like a cover of Tasha Cobb’s “For your glory”. I didn’t know what it was about this song, but I just couldn’t stop playing it and singing it. Maybe it was the instruments, maybe it was his anointed vocal chords, maybe it was the arrangement, or the tune of the song or some of the lyrics. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. All I know is that it got me on such a high, spiritually. I felt the presence of God so near. Or at least that’s what I like to believe. You should have seen me back then, I was so clueless. LOL! I was on my way to Heaven people! No turning back! Just me and Jesus…

Now if you know the lyrics to the song, you at least know that it is a song of surrender. Very deep song of utmost yielding to the will of the Father. But it is one thing to know and a completely different thing to understand. Then I knew, now I at least understand the weight of the words therein. It took me a minute to get there, but when I finally did… Oh! Let’s just say I was really troubled by the revelation. I almost wished I didn’t know the song. I couldn’t reconcile the words of the song with my current situation. So on this particular day, I had just heard a really sad story about domestic violence. I was drained. Really drained… I had just been minding my business on YouTube when I happened upon this story. I have always been curious about domestic violence so I thought why not…right? No, wrong. Terrible Idea. Terrible! But maybe not…

You see, there are a lot of things I like to believe I can take. Abuse or violence is just not one of them, and especially not in a marriage set up. My brain shuts down, The alarms go off! My heart starts beating dramatically. The whole shebang! This is one of those rooms where I have completely locked the door and thrown away the key. I really don’t have the mental, physical, emotional capacity to deal! I just don’t. I just can’t. Or so I thought… I remember just thinking to myself in that moment as I made my bed… “I hope I never put myself in a situation where I could potentially become someone else’s punching bag… Mh… mh! Not me!” I even prayed about it, amidst bewilderment and terror. “Please God, don’t ever allow me to know what abuse feels like from a personal experience. Anything Lord, but that.” But because God, He has a sense of humor, you wouldn’t guess the song that immediately came to mind. Yes, that one, ‘For Your Glory by Jaye Thomas’, and as I began to sing it, there it was! The aha moment…

I thought the sad story was unbearable… Well, I’m yet to find a word to describe what I immediately felt when I finally realized the weight of what I was singing. That coupled by a series of questions that followed before I could even process… (Jeeeeez, let it marinate, at least!) “For my Glory, you say?”

“Hmmmm… so, what if I could use this for my glory? The abuse? The shame? The hurt? The frustration?”

“What if it pains but the pain births a purpose that gives me glory?”

“You like this song, right… but do you mean it?”

“For my Glory right… You will do anything right?” “For my Glory…huh?”

“Just to see me right, nothing else… Oh! and to behold me as YOUR KING right?” And it went on and on… I felt like I was going crazy. If I had a switch to turn it all off, I would have. Oh! but there was no running here honey, it was time!

So again I ask, have you ever been humbled by God in your self-righteousness? Thinking of yourself as righteous, only to find out that you were only clothed in filthy rags? Whether you were going about your business or in tune with Him? Have you ever made a prayer and God answered too soon but you just weren’t ready yet? Those ambitious prayers and vows we make to God on a high, how much do we mean them? If God were to answer them and honor them, how receptive would you be? And don’t even get me started on the songs… I mean, I get it, the tune is just right… the notes are on point… that band… ooooh! those vocals… those lyrics, but do we mean them? They appeal to your emotions, granted! But what are you really singing? What are you really telling God? Think about it…

Here is what I have learnt and continue to learn from that incidence… God knows me. No, let that sink in for a minute. God Knows me. Oh! too well, He does… The word know has a lot to do with relationship. God hasn’t heard of me. He isn’t vaguely aware of my existence. He doesn’t just see you around. He knows you. You can hide and run and detach, avoid, deflect and lie to everyone else, including your own self, but Him… Not a chance, in your entire existence! He understands you. The real, raw version of you. For instance, He knows that I am Stubborn, and despite my brilliance, I have repeated quite a number of His classes. I find this so ironic because back in school, I tried so hard not to repeat a class. But for some reason, I never seem to get past the elementary classes in His School. Maybe the school example doesn’t quite do it for you, if you are anything like me. I mean, it’s school! Who likes school? I still get chills just imagining a situation where I would be forced to go back to high-school! SMH! That would be a real nightmare so maybe let’s go the friendship route, shall we…

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:13-15

This scripture unpacks a lot. The standard of God’s friendship here is everything but normal. He literally coined the term BFF (Best Friend For-life). Key word for life, He literally died for his friends! I don’t know about you but I am out here assessing my friends and I am not sure (and I have good friends, no shade to them)… Perhaps a kidney or blood…not life. Yet we like to say it, don’t we? It sounds fancy, huh? “Girrrrrl, I gat you!” But do you really? You know what baffles me the most, is that Jesus elects to die for completely undeserving people, and all this for what, so He could reconcile us back to him? To be His friends? How high does He regard friendship? And NO. He didn’t just leave it at that, He sent someone down to help us stay connected to Him. So where I’m going with all this? Well here’s a shocker, I don’t know… Haha, oh no I’m kidding, or am I? LOL! Glad I have your attention😉.Okay great, now here’s the thing…

God is not a lazy friend! He doesn’t make plans to hang out, only to cancel them last minute, because he got caught up. Ooops, I feel like I am roasting myself out here, but… oh well! For His Glory right, haya twende 😂🤔… God doesn’t get bored or tired of hanging out with us. In today’s world that would be quickly labelled as clingy… (Side note: On the real though, have you ever had a friend who always just wanted to hang out all the time, but because you were afraid of hurting their feelings you just went along with it, but deep down, you just wanted a break?) I don’t know why, but sometimes this is how I feel about my relationship with God. As in, that clingy friend, who never runs out of suggestions of ways we could bond. It is sad and hard to say but it happens. It mostly manifests as burn out or sadness. I could blame it on the fact that I am an introvert, but if I am really honest, I am just a lazy friend. PS: Time-out from Him always ends in premium tears. He asks me how my day was and I immediately give Him the automated generic answer just to get it over with. Never mind, he already sees it, He just wants me to unpack… But no, we don’t do that here, vulnerability, for who? He tells me to cast all my cares upon Him but carrying them justifies my laziness and detachment.

So, I go about my life ‘normally’ talking to the healer but never asking to be healed. Calling Him Lord, but refusing to submit my will to His. Walking with Jireh, but always begging for bread… And the cycle continues on and on, until it all comes tumbling down and guess what now, I NEED HIM. All of a sudden I CAN’T DO LIFE WITHOUT HIM… but if you are keen then you know it’s not Him that I want😔.I just want another quick fix to get my mess of a life going. I’m sure you get the jist. Just writing this gives me chills, because for the longest time I have approached God as the one who only always had something to give. Let me flip the script here for a second, a friend according to John 15:15 withholds nothing from His friend (full disclosure) and puts aside their ‘cares’ to cater to their friend (selflessness)… When was the last time you asked God your friend, How His day was? Let me guess, sounds silly, right… But why though? If He is indeed your FRIEND, why does it sound silly? Have we perhaps translated the fact that our God is powerful and mighty and the source of everything to mean that there’s nothing He would possibly need from us? Is that why we treat Him like a rain coat or an ATM machine that only benefits and serves us when we are needy? If so, then we need to go back to the drawing board.

You see, in my childishness and cluelessness, I had no qualms telling God that I would do anything ‘For His Glory’. Why, because in my small mind, I never expected Him to actually take me up on my offer, wow! I mean what could I possibly offer the Lord All Powerful that He already doesn’t own? But here is where it all started, when you told that friend of yours that y’all would catch up but decided to cancel the date last minute, because ‘something came up’… only to justify it with, “after all we’ll meet in church”. That, that right there and a million other scenarios. You lied and with practice it grew on you. So nowadays you don’t even know you are lying until you are caught in it. We make promises we can’t keep. We lie by omission. We tell the truth in halves. We hide what we really want to say in beautiful euphemisms. We tell little white lies and say them so many times we start to believe them. Unfortunately, we do it with God too… I mean, I’m sure you can remember a time when you were so angry with God or disappointed… And instead of pouring your heart out to God, you decided to make that robotic prayer and act like everything was fine. As if He is blind to your actual fears, reservations, heartaches, name it.

We tell God we will do anything for His Glory, but ‘forget’ to mention the many ‘buts’ and ‘conditions’ that hide behind that promise. But we sing the lyrics so beautifully it almost sounds real. But He knows us. “… Oh! but it speaks to me… Whenever I play it, I just feel…” So what happens, when you can’t feel? What happens, when you are overcome with sadness and just want to die? What happens, when you can no longer pretend and just want to quit on God. We settle for the feelings and the highs in emotion, that can’t quench our thirst. We settle for hearsay, and a good word from the Pastor that gets us pumped on Sunday. But on Monday we are back to flirting with doubt and anger and bitterness. We Praise and Worship God one minute and then curse and worry the next. We highlight our favorite verses in the Bible and sum up God’s word to just be about that. Whatever makes sense to us, right? The rest is for Bible Scholars, Rabbis and Preachers… Just what appeals to us, right? We get comfortable in our lostness and cluelessness and deceive ourselves, “After all, as long as I get to Heaven”.

We rob ourselves the opportunity to really KNOW our God, because we are afraid of what that might cost us. Like the story of Job in the Bible… But since we don’t want to deny God, we elect to deceive Him instead. We say it with our mouths and never mean it in our hearts, or if we do mean it… only in part. But He knows us, so we only deceive ourselves. I say all this to say, on the outside, I seemed like I was winning, but all it took was just that one story to discover that deep down I was rotting away. I thought that by avoiding the trauma and closing myself off, I had it handled. But nothing. I could have fooled me, you know…But God!

You see, we go through situations in life that really mark us, but instead of dealing, we tack them away. We make it about everything else but that. We go out into the world and make big moves but become small immediately something triggers us.

We get born again and receive the free gift of salvation but hold on to stuff that hinders us from experiencing the freedom that comes with the gift. We sing songs to our God about surrender, but refuse to acknowledge what they truly mean. I was out there harmonizing to ‘For your Glory’, as long as it did not disrupt how I was used to doing life. So comfortable with brokenness to even desire mending. Picking and choosing what I thought would give Him Glory. But I could only do it for so long. He finally exposed me to myself. In that moment, I felt like a thief caught on the 40th, on his very last mission before he finally retires. But there’s something about God’s timing, you can’t run/hide/deny/avoid/it! His evidence also known as truth, not only incriminates, it convicts. The conviction was so loud and weighed heavily on me and I knew that it was about to be business unusual. Uncomfortable yes, but it had to happen… I tried to fight it and act normal but nothing. No amount of feelings was going to get me off the hook, only faith. Not just faith in the healing process, but in the healer himself, BECAUSE FAITH IS A KNOWING! And knowing can only come through relationship and friendship with the one who make it all beautiful in its own time. The one who holds it all together. The one who is able to keep us from stumbling and present us as blameless before the Presence of His Glory with Great Joy, Jude 1:24.

Lastly, I used to struggle with this verse a lot, 21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

Matthew 7:21-23

Probably because I always knew deep down that I wasn’t fully about my Father’s business. I had this sense that God would soon spit me out because I was neither hot nor cold. One foot in, one foot out. “Lord, you can use me, but only in this way.” “Lord I just want to be like you, but make it less painful.” Perhaps I held back for fear of what it truly meant to be fully surrendered. Don’t get me wrong, I desired it, but I was always so skeptical of the process. I could go on and on about the maybes, but one thing is for sure… I didn’t really know God. I knew of Him, I had bouts of experiences with Him. But I hadn’t pursued a relationship with Him, as His friend whom He died for. Can you imagine that, dying for someone who treats you like an option? That’s where the fear came from. I was out of touch with the very person who could free me from all these fears of falling into the hands of violence and abuse.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” 1 John 4:18

Here’s the good news though, you are alive and you have time, otherwise you wouldn’t have stumbled on this article. Now that you are His, Pursue Him!Get to know him. That way you will not just make it to Heaven to go and spend eternity with a stranger. He is waiting on you, you have nothing to lose but gain! Anything you do for His Glory is for your good, so sing that song but mean it. Pray that prayer but be ready for the answer. His grace is sufficient, especially when we fall short… and that’s everyday.

“It’s the systems for me!”

Posted on by IDENTIFIED

Hey, Hi, you good? Well, I’m not, but oh well, here we are. So let’s get into it, shall we?

Wuuuueeeeh! Sema writers block. Sema inconsistency. Sema demotivation. Yoooooh!!! This never used to be this hard. I promise you there were days when I just had so much to say, all I needed to do was just start writing. Then my fingers would just get a mind of their own. Deep, deep sigh…

For the first time in my life, I am literally having to force issues and just push myself into doing stuff that I would normally put off. But then if I do, at best I’ll run behind and at worst get stuck in a rut. And booooy, don’t nobody gat time for that here. So I guess forcing issues it is. Right? I’m sighing so hard right now coz I don’t even have a clue where this is going. Legit, my energy is not giving what it needs to be giving right now. But hey, we move regardless.🤷

Also, just a quick rant here, just because I can. Lol! If this is what they called growing up, then they must have oversold the idea and under delivered! Because, what are these? I’m I the only one who feels cheated? The analogy that comes to mind is, you remember that overambitious Deputy Principal back in High School? The one that everyone was afraid of crossing. The one that was just doing way too much. I mean ma’am, S.I.T. D.O.W.N! You are blocking my joy. I mean… Do you mind? No? So you’re just going to keep reinforcing these rules that nobody likes? Okay then, have it your way.That’s me to me, nowadays. All the time 🙄🤦. (Set-Commit-Adopt-Fail-Repeat). I can’t imagine I am actually saying this, but it was so much easier when it was someone else’s job to reinforce the rules. If you ask me, adulting is to some extent parenting yourself. Only now, with personal biases. Constantly, beating your body into submission is such an extreme sport!

But hear me out, though. The bells, the parades, the timetables, the assignments, the rules and regulations, the ruthless punishments, the constant check-ins or as they liked to call them, PTAs, the discipline masters et.al. Don’t you think they all served a purpose? Or better yet, would you have been a functioning adult if you never went through all that in the formative years of your life? Honestly, I don’t think I would. The irony of it all is, I thought I was perfect. I mean, don’t we all?

As I continue to evolve, discover and rediscover myself while still figuring out how to be my parent, principal, discipline master and so on. I am led to conclude that I was made to operate under systems. Take the system away and this machine is doomed to jam. No cap! It’s really not rocket science though, right? I mean, why is she stating the obvious, huh? I know, I know… Yet for some wild reason, we fight soooooo hard to get out of these systems, and by we, I mean me. Calm down, you’re perfect.😅

You see, growing up, like most of you, I’m sure, I was so obsessed with the idea of becoming an adult and being I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. Oukrrrrr!!!

I mean, when I tell you I was thirteen going to thirty, it is not even an exaggeration. I am told I “skipped” a few of the “universally acceptable phases of childhood and teenagehood” (rolls eyes). For example, the whole losing track of time while playing phase, or whatever it is that children are “supposed to do” (Side bar: Who comes up with these rules though?).

So basically, I wasn’t your typical child. (PS: Nothing fancy about that, just different). I always felt so out of place around most of my peers, unless it was like a conversation I thought was deep. Hah!!! Yoooh, now that I think about it, those were quite some toxic traits right there chiiiiille! A girl thought she was every woman/man and that apparently it was all in her. Weirdly, enough though, that girl is still in there somewhere, I don’t know. That’s beside the point anyway. Bottom line, I wasn’t a big fan of community. I only seemed to be interested in hanging out with people who had “been there, done that”, if you catch my drift. Too obsessed with getting to the next season, at the expense of my now, then. Never pausing to entertain the thought of basking in a reality that was “just not good enough”. Was it ever going to be?

I was always working the system to get out of the system. For instance, I remember thinking that the system was trash, but had no issue bowing to it just to get by. I rarely got into trouble, but deep down, I was just cursing all the administrators of the system. In one breathe I’d be like “why do I have to be up by 5:00 o’clock?” Yet in the next, I would be overly concerned about tardiness. “Why do they give us so much homework?” Yet curiously among the first to submit the assignment. I worked the system alright!!! Or so I thought. I was convinced that if by some happenstance, I got out of it, then my life would finally take off. Sigh… A moment of silence for the naivety of it all. 🤦

Now, if you ask my peers, they’ll probably tell you that I loved the system. Coz for some reason, the system seemed to work for me. I thrived under the system. Probably because I avoided trouble at all costs. At least that’s what they saw. And to some extent, I agree with them. The system did work for me. I thrived in school, at least academic-wise. Matter-of-fact, to-date put me under a system and ensure there is no way for me to circumvent it, I shine. Now, will I throw a fit?Absolutely. Will I be conflicted while obeying? For sure. Will do it without grumbling and a lot of unnecessary murmur, most likely not. But listeeeeen, will I love the results? No doubt, sign me up!!! There it is.

Now in the same way, for every area of our lives to grow some roots and bear fruit, there’s got to be solid operational systems in place. The thing with systems is, they are not fancy or pacifying. If anything, on the face of it, they are strict, hard to corrupt and just downright boring. Nonetheless, they set the tone for success and get the job done.

Yet at some point in our lives, we decide we know better and choose to ‘be our own persons’ and neglect foundational systems. Living out “our truths”. Laughable! I thought truth was just truth🤔. Then we wonder why there’s so much chaos in the world. You see, when they insisted on punctuality in our formative years and punished us severely for tardiness we resented them. Perhaps their method of enforcing these systems was crude and their mode of delivery prolly damaging, but the principle was there. Those systems were a foreshadowing of how we were to lead our lives going forward.

Now, we can either get stuck on the woulda, shoulda, couldas, or humble ourselves and have a teachable moment. You see, we sometimes get stuck in our feelings and ‘what makes us happy’ because we refuse to acknowledge that sometimes results come from the ugliest places. The messiest places. The uncomfortable spaces. If we are to live impactful lives, we must abandon the idea that we have to like it, to do it. It’s a lie from the pits of hell and I dare say that, as one who knows the struggle. One who still wrestles with the little ol, stubborn rebel in her that just won’t bow easily. We are too obsessed with enjoying everything we do, we lose sight of the goal.

Contrary to popular belief the goal is not to be happy but to live in purpose. Now, I’m I a sadist who just believes that people should just lead miserable lives. Absolutely not. If anything, I am preaching to the choir. But as I look back on my life, some of the achievements I am most proud of now, were birthed from very unsettling waters. On the other hand, some of my biggest failures were propagated by my need to feel it out first, testing the waters and half-hearted commitments.

Now case in point, I believe in God and here we do talk about God a lot, so buckle up. Anyway, as I was saying, I believe in God and one of His character attributes, is order. See, systems reinforce order. He is in fact the author of systems. Light and Darkness, that is a system. Seed time and harvest, that is a system. Everything He made fell under a system. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him (Colossians 1:16). (Perhaps, I should have led with that.)

Now, we have all heard of the creation story. If you haven’t, even better, go read the first three chapters of the Bible firsthand and you will be all caught up. You will also be thoroughly tickled, but more than that, you will encounter God.

As you’ve probably already picked up, I used to be one ratchet ol mess, okay. Until Grace! He came looking for me in utter darkness, destined for death as my only sure punishment. I mean, I had violated and disregarded all kinds of systems He’d put in place to keep me in check. And don’t get it twisted, the systems were more for me to live in purpose. And less of Him curtailing my tastes and preferences. They were there to protect me from what, only He, as my creator knew would destroy me. Surely, by that fact alone, I should have been dead. In fact I was dead. Alive in the flesh but dead in the spirit. A shell of myself really. The self He created at least. The one that bears His spitting image. So, I was pretty much alienated from the life-giving water, yeah! (I see you following and nodding, imagine so were you.)

So, guess what he does. He crafts a way to get me back into His divine system. Listeeeeen!!! He makes a way out of a hopeless situation. I mean, He had seen it all. My struggle with trying to work the system to try and rush through to the “good part”. You do know, I had been working His system too, right? Let me be a good child, so that… Let me go to church, so that… Let me listen to my teachers, so that…Let me refrain from answering back at my very African mum, so that… Lol! This chic had Audacity for days. A death wish was more like it. Sheesh!!! I just got the chills.

I say all that to say, I had tried it all. Doing right by God or at least tried with the rule books and the commandments and the dos and don’ts but none of it ever had a lasting change. Though my actions were somewhat correct, the posture of my heart wasn’t, the wiring of my mind wasn’t. I was just doing what I Had To Do, To Get To… Exactly, I’m sure you get the drift.

So, through his divine plan, he created a system, one that would cost Him, Himself really. Salvation it was! He sent His son Jesus, to die for my sins and tip the scale, earning me a new life in Him. A fresh start with Him. His Spirit, now dwells within me as a helper, even before I knew I needed one. He came all the way through, people. All the way through!!!

Now, quick question. Did God enjoy seeing His Precious son mercilessly suffer and die? No. Did He enjoy seeing all the sins of mankind pinned on His one and only PERFECT SON? Of course not!!! However, did He halt His plan, because it was too unbearable? No. He allowed His plan for Salvation carry on and fulfil its intended purpose, 1000%.

Let’s now talk about Jesus. Did He enjoy the lashes, the crown of thorns, the mockery, the pinning on the cross. Yes, read that again. He was pinned on the cross. Like the way you would draw a pin inside a wall to hang a painting. But now, imagine nails being driven inside flesh. I am sure the mental picture is clearer now. Lest you trivialize it! Reflect on this: Did Jesus, in the flesh like/enjoy/ applaud/ soak/bask/ in what led up to our salvation? The pain, the turmoil, the frustration, the shame, the suffering? Well, of course HE DIDN’T! He was in anguish, over what was looming. It was no mean feat!

39 Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples followed Him. 40 When He came to the place, He told them, “Pray that you will not enter into temptation.”41 And He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, where He knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done.” 43 Then an angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him. 44 And in His anguish, He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground. 45 When Jesus rose from prayer and returned to the disciples, He found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow.

Luke 22:39-45.

Yet my bible tells me, in Hebrews 12:2 that, “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is now set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

You know, it was one thing to know what He was about to go through; but to know that this was the only way to fulfill the ultimate plan of God to save fallen man!? I mean, the pressure of it all. The weight of the world on His shoulders, literally. He really went through this fully God. But this is what we brush off… he was also fully man. He felt it all!!! Surely, If anyone gets it, it is Him. And guess what, that is why He is the only way to the Father. The Way, the Truth and the Light. He is the only person of the Trinity that had a human experience. He felt it all!!! Hebrews 4:15 ” For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.“

You see, there’s always a temptation, especially when faced with tragedy or a looming threat of tragedy, loss, pain, suffering to think that it is not of God. To start casting it away and crediting it to the works of the devil. Perhaps because in our fallen state, we associate pain and suffering with isolation from God. Eden. A consequence of communing and reasoning with the devil. Our girl, Eve having a whole conversation with the serpent. So when trouble looms, we pray it away, or develop mechanisms to “work the system” in a bid to avoid the inevitable.

But listen here, as one of my favourite bible teachers likes to say, “If it was promised… it must come.” Whether you stay prayed up or otherwise, read the bible till you turn blue, pray in tongues or preach till your saliva dries up. Suffering is a part of the ride. Ask Abraham. Ask Job. Ask Jesus. Ask someone who has lived long enough to tell the story. Check your Ts and Cs. Just as rain falls on the just and the unjust, so it is with pain and suffering, trials and tribulations. And it is not about God settling scores or being supposedly malicious. We ought to have been dead remember? It’s really just life. Guess what, He has even given us a heads-up in John 16:33(a) “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble...” So we really can’t plead ignorance! No need to act brand new, good sir/ma’am. It will happen! And if it hasn’t already, all you need to do is just keep living.

Somewhere along the way, life will from time to time throw a curveball your way that just throws you off, destabilizes you, is an inconvenience, frustrates you or “slows you down”. Well, at least in your opinion. Yet, being the good good Father that He is and not a sadist by any regard, turns it for your good. Creates in you a clean heart. Transforms your life and moulds your character. Rewires your mind to align with His thoughts towards you. Reprograms you to His system, just because He is God. Now, will you throw a fit? Yes. Will you immediately submit to a blind plan, prolly not. Will it feel like death? Absolutely! Will you prolly lose loved ones and stuff you have always clinged on to? Yeah. Will it kill you? Only the you that needs to die. Here’s the thing, unlike Jesus if God were to reveal some of His plans for us, we would leave Him mid-speech.

I am learning, albeit, through a lot of frustration, that God has already judged the condition of our hearts and already knows what works on who. That He knows us personally, understands our personalities and loves us uniquely. That, it is His mercy, to reveal to us His plan for our lives in bits. To once in a while interrupt normal programming with breaking news instead of showing us the entire blueprint of our lives at once. I don’t know about you, but I prolly wouldn’t stomach it all at once. It would be a lot!

But in all this, there’s a hope. There is always a hope. Our sure hope in John 16:33(b) reads as follows,“…But take heart! I have overcome the world.” As in, He did it all, so that, all we had to do was walk on the already mapped out and all the way lit up path He walked on. He overcame, means He literally cleared the way. Slashers and all. As in there’s no chance that a serpent will distract us on the way by talking crazy. We are not doing anything new. He mapped it out for us, so no GPS errors. He left no stone unturned. And when we are overwhelmed, better than anyone, He understands. He did what the Israelites toiled for and miserably failed in for centuries upon centuries. All in a matter of days, He closed the gap. His system is tried and tested. We have nothing to be afraid of or lose. IT IS FINISHED!

Finally, when all is said and done, may God help us and give us a revelation like He did Paul, to say,

“But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.”

1st Corinthians 9:27

TESTIMONY SEGMENT: (SEE GOD)

SEE GOD:- Isn’t it beautiful what God can do with a weary but surrendered heart! When I started writing this, I was very lowly and just forcing myself to do the right thing. It was more about discipline than it was content. It was hard, I even took a break, coz it felt pretentious… I had grown accustomed to feeling it then doing it. Plus writing always comes easy to me. This was a first. But turns out God wanted me to live it as I preach it. At the most unexpected date and time, He showed up and did again! So be encouraged. I pray that this encourages you to keep doing what He told you to do last, even if you don’t feel Him or feel like it. He is able.

So, what about Habakkuk?

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Well, hello there. Guess who’s back? I know, imagine it’s me, you’re not dreaming, this is actually happening. Waauuuuuuu!!! Yeah, yeah I know… I gave the word hiatus a whole new meaning… A whole terrible-two toddler later, well… almost. Cringe! Anywhooooo, amidst very interesting and sobering recent events, we are finally here. Hopefully, here to stay, but then again… who knows, right? I also hope you are well, alive and healthy… If not, may God meet you at your point of need.

Uuuuuhm, so last year I happened to study the book of Habakkuk and jotted down a few lessons here and there and meant to share it. But alas!!! Procrastination, and its cousins. But won’t He do it!? (Also, in case this sounds oddly familiar, it is heavily influenced by a sermon listened to during my study. I strongly recommend you watch it I’ll attach a link below). So let’s get into it.

Chapter one- Habakkuk is wondering and wrestling. He is finding it hard to understand why God would let His chosen ones be taken into captive by such an unholy nation like Babylon (at least compared to Israel, they were doing a lot less sinning, HUH!). Kinda like what we go through when we see people who mock God continuing to prosper and there we are going all out for him (at least that’s what we like to think). Yet we continue to face disappointment upon disappointment… Basically, Habakkuk was having one of those sigh moments where HE STRUGGLES TO RECONCILE WHAT HE KNOWS OF GOD vs. WHAT SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING AROUND HIM. I’m sure we have all been there. So that’s chapter one.

Chapter two- Habakkuk is in a state of watching and waiting. I’m not sure how long it took him to get here but I can tell you for sure it kinda takes me a while, okay! Coz sulking and questioning is comfortable… You feel justified to just sit and soak in that state of doubt, lostness, confusion, unbelief, you name it. But ultimately, once we present our very vulnerable requests, prayers and petitions to God, the best we can do is wait for His answers. Now, for a long time I always thought of waiting as passive. You know, ‘I’M WAITING ON GOD’ is a statement we use a subtle excuse to slack. Yes, I said what I said. Come fight me! Wait what, actually scratch that, deal with it!!! Lol.

Anyway, as I was saying, waiting on God involves an interesting word called watching. Habakkuk 2:1 “I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint.” Being watchful involves being aware of the devil’s schemes and potential traps (2 Corinthians 2:11). Coz remember, in your state of confusion, you are the most vulnerable for all kinds of suggestions, lies, ideas. You are desperate for a word that appeals to how you feel. And that right there is fertile ground for unbelief to turn into disbelief. So Habakkuk stayed Watchful in his waiting. Then comes the verse that we all know about that for the most part is usually quoted out of context. Habakkuk 2:2-3 Then the LORD replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”. God’s answer followed Habakkuk’s decision to wait with a sober mind. Again, I don’t know about you but that takes me a while, no lie… But the sooner we can learn this principle and remember it when it is needful, the sooner we can get the answers, wisdom we so earnestly seek. And God begins to fill those areas in our lives where doubt and false teachings may have crept in. It’s not that He is intimidated by our wonderings and questions in the waiting. He just wants us to recognize that He is the answer to it all and I believe, get on board faster. He wants us to approach the throne of Grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. To confess, like the father to that boy possessed by unclean spirits, “Lord I believe, but help my unbelief.” Of course I have not exhausted the whole chapter, but that is basically the theme in the chapter.

In the sermon I was listening to, Jon Courson went ham on Habakkuk 2:4 “Look at the proud one, his soul is not upright, but the just shall live by faith!”Can I just say I never knew that this verse was in the old testament… Habakkuk had some deep revelations way before the coming of the Messiah. And where were these revelations born out of, the place of watchfulness and waiting.

Micah 7:7.


Then of course Chapter three- Habakkuk Worships and Witnesses.

Chapter 3:2 (MSG)”God, I’ve heard what our ancestors say about you, and I’m stopped in my tracks, down on my knees. Do among us what you did among them. Work among us as you worked among them. And as you bring judgment, as you surely must, remember mercy.”

Yaani this man moved from sighing, hesitation, frustration and grumbling to writing a whole Love Song for God. What changed you ask, his heart and attitude and mindset and perspective was changed. In chapter 2 when he sits down to draw wisdom from the well that never runs dry, He came out so full of Truth. He could now witness. Coz again worship has to be expressed (Watch Worship 24ever by Mike Todd). And a witness cannot testify on his own accord. Here’s Litigation 101, lol😅. A party seeking to rely on the evidence of a witness, has to call the witness to the stand and give him the authority to testify on his own behalf. We don’t get to be witnesses of the gospel without God’s power, authority, wisdom, commissioning. Otherwise, it’s a false witness. Rather we stand the risk of giving a false representation of Him to the JURY (those who are yet to come to the knowledge of Christ). Acts 1: 8 “…but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.” AND THAT’S WHY HABAKKUK is able to approach God in the way that He did in Chapter 3:2 which is a complete turn in comparison to his heart in Chapter 1:1-4.

“God, how long do I have to cry out for help before you listen? How many times do I have to yell, “Help! Murder! Police!” before you come to the rescue? Why do you force me to look at evil, stare trouble in the face day after day? Anarchy and violence break out, quarrels and fights all over the place. Law and order fall to pieces.Justice is a joke.The wicked have the righteous hamstrung and stand justice on its head.”

Message Bible Version

Look at verses 12-13 of Chapter 1 “God, you’re from eternity, aren’t you? Holy God, we aren’t going to die, are we? God, you chose Babylonians for your judgment work? Rock-Solid God, you gave them the job of discipline? But you can’t be serious! You can’t condone evil! So why don’t you do something about this? Why are you silent now? This outrage! Evil men swallow up the righteous and you stand around and watch!” Then see his attitude in chapter 3 as a whole. WORLDS APART! He moved from entitlement and Frustration to Awe and Reverence. I could go on and on… But i’m sure you get it by now. It’s all in the middle, uncertain, season… That’s where it’s at. Habakkuk didn’t just move from chapter one to three as quickly as we read it through the book. It was a Journey and if we are honest, we’re all on one. And however much we try to rush the process, we can only get to the other side once we make a resolve to follow His lead. Our Compass in the Journey…

Habakkuk’s motions remind me of Job. It’s a short version of the motions that Job goes through when He loses everything he held dear and in wrestling to try and make sense of it all, God firmly yet lovingly slaps Job with some hard, undisputed facts. That He is God. The one who set the foundations of the earth, and told the ocean it could only go so far and tells the sun where to rise every morning and so on…

You see, as I was sharing, a constant theme stood out and that is this. EVERY TIME WE LOSE SIGHT OF WHO GOD IS, WE START TO TREAD ON UNBELIEF STREET. WE WORSHIP WRONG. WE WITNESS WRONG. WE PRAY WRONG. WE THINK WRONG. Everything, else is a downward spiral from there. But when we bring our wrongness to God, He starts by reminding us who HE IS. Coz everything else builds from there. Which is no doubt contrary to the solutions that the world offers, WHICH IS FIX YOURSELF. But if you belong to Christ, YOUR IDENTITY can only be derived from him. He tells/ reminds you who He is and then who you are. And that if you ask Job and Habakkuk or anyone who has encountered God in a very lost state, has a more lasting effect! Finally, another lingering theme is that of HUMILITY that comes as a result of encountering the UNDESERVED, UNMERITED, Grace of GOD! You cannot encounter GOD in His Holiness and remain proud!

(Someone stop me before I write a whole novel😅🤦‍♀️)… Anywhooooo, Let’s pick up on the humility theme next time, shall we? Grace and Peace!

For more insight on the book of Habakkuk, Listen to Jon Courson’s teachings on the same… Here’s a link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr9b8of_qVg

So, a couple of months ago I stumbled on a word that really marked me. I had just gotten out of what felt like a very long season of questioning my identity, value and purpose on this earth. I had never envisioned a point in my life, previously where this would ever be a reality or a struggle for me. Well, I think it was partly because I had way too much time on my hands and not enough responsibilities to fill it up. But as fate would have it, my mind decided to run me wild with thoughts and there was such a battle within me. Stuck in a state of anxiety about what the future held for me. Aware of the truth but still held hostage in a prison of lies. So much knowledge of who God is, yet such little faith. Reluctant to trust that He knew what He was doing with my life. Afraid of what it meant to let go of what shoulda, coulda, woulda… Questioning when he was going to finally get me out of this rut, so that this whole nightmare would finally be over.

Then He finally came through. But get this, I was still hang up on the previous season and was trying to do everything in my power not to go back there. I had finally made it out of the proverbial tunnel and seen the light. Going back, was not an option. That, that was when I read this:

“But don’t rejoice because the evil spirits obey you; rejoice because your names are registered in heaven.” LUKE 10:20

Now, on a normal day this would not be a word that would capture my attention. In fact, this was not the first time I was interacting with this word. But on this particular day, I just couldn’t seem to shake it off. Well, lets just say that the Person of the Holy Spirit is very deliberate. The curious thing in all this is that I was not even trying that hard to be intentional in seeking God. It was so random, if you ask me. But get this, He was intentional! I believe He led me to the devotional on purpose and made sure that I was not just reading it to pass time. He had a word for me. He had an agenda, and unbeknownst to me, it was so specific to what I was going through at the time. I was about to get checked.

You see, our hearts are one of the most crucial organs in our bodies if not the most. One of their key functions is pumping blood to the rest of our bodies. Blood is life, and once the heart stops beating, we cease to exist. Hence the reason our hearts need to get checked from time to time…lest they grow tired of performing their functions. Thereby, honoring this heart-check appointments becomes crucial to the improvement of not just the quantity, but more so, quality of our lives. Whereby, the more appointments you miss the closer and closer you near your death.

In the same way God checks us. He checks the condition of our hearts. By this I mean our Spirit. The Spirit he put in us to communicate and connect with us, while we’re on Earth. He makes appointments with us. In fact, his word says that, he stands at the door and knocks and If anyone hears his voice and opens the door, He will come in, and the two shall share a meal… REVELATION 3:20

It is when we honor these appointments, that we give Him a chance to really assess us through our hearts. The perception with which we see Him, Ourselves and others. The subtle sins we’ve grown accustomed to hiding away from everyone. Our motives and intentions… what makes us tick or excited. Then He weighs that against His Perfect Word. He fills us up where we have run out. He aligns us, where we have stepped out. He corrects us, where we have missed the mark. He embraces us. He counsels us. He treats all our wounds. He affirms us. He rebukes us and the list could go on, and on. Why does He do this, you ask… because the abundant life that we so much crave for, is connected to Him, our Great Physician. The very tree of life.

And that my friends is what happened to me on that morning when I came across this verse. Thank God, I honored the appointment! Thank God I wasn’t cynical! That I was humble enough to just sit and allow Him to disrupt my schedule. Because, believe it or not, our God is not limited by time. What you think is a random appointment out of the blues, is very well in his timeline. See, He declares the beginning from the end, therefore before you were even born, He knew you would find yourself right where you are. He planned out every single second, minute of your life. He has a plan. He is the plan. You are on His mind right now, this is not a coincidence!

So let’s get right into it, shall we?

Jesus had 12 disciples whom we all know by name. However, he had 72 more whom we find in our scripture today. Let’s sit here for a while… You see, I don’t know about you, but if I had to pick whether to be among the 12 or the 72.. I would undoubtedly prefer to be among the 12. For rather obvious reasons. I mean 2000 plus years later and we still talk about them. If that is not legacy, I don’t know what is.

But here’s the thing, the reason they made it to the circle was because they made a choice. A rather random one, but a choice nonetheless. They chose to abandon their livelihoods and sign up to follow Jesus. No, no, no, no, don’t just bypass that like it’s nothing. I mean that in the most literal sense. As in, from then on, that was their new Job Description. Imagine this conversation, “Hey Ben what do you do for a living?”…. “Dude, I follow this guy called Jesus!” Hmmmm, how do you even follow that up? Crazy, right…

No, it gets crazier, they signed up to follow someone whom they believed to be the Messiah. Yes, you read that right… someone whom they believed/ suspected/ supposed/ assumed to be… They had no evidence, at all. They didn’t quit their jobs for greener pastures, because if you really think about it…they don’t get to see what we see right now when we open our Bibles and read the Story of Jesus. They did that out of a hunch. And to make things even riskier, Jesus was not a popular politician at the time who had the approval of the leadership of the day. No, quite the opposite actually.

Now, I don’t know what you do for a living, but for a minute here try and put yourselves in their shoes…. would you make the same choice they made? I know, I would probably not. Haha, who I’m I kidding, I’d definitely not even consider it in my small mind. Yet, given the chance, I would rather be among the 12 with more than two millennia’s worth of legacy. Wow, the disconnect is appalling! And if you are like me, then I am persuaded that this word is for you.

Now, back to our scripture. So in Luke 10, it is recorded that the 72 disciples had just come back from a very successful mission. I mean, could you just picture them telling Jesus about their triumph in vs. 17. “…. Lord even the demons are subject to us in your name”. Wow, what a report to give to Jesus. What’s the harm in that right… Lets even bring it closer home, envision yourself as a mere intern who finally cracks the code on some huge project that had been assigned to your boss. The buoyant look on your face going to tell your boss the great news. But more importantly, the huge anticipation to finally have them see you as more than just a clueless intern… get their approval, and perhaps a promotion. I like to imagine that this ought to have been the same state of mind the disciples were in at the time and granted! They had done well in HIS NAME, right… So a “well done my beloved,” from Jesus wouldn’t have been stretching it. Haha, but who is like Jesus? He hits them up with an, “mmhhhh!”. My oh my! (I just pictured Marlon doing his best impression of an angry black woman…) the disciples must have been mortified. Anyway, I digress.

Sure, He was proud of them, but more than that, He was after their hearts, their perspective/ approach about Ministry. And that, that for me was the kicker. You see, Jesus could have just chosen to applaud them and let them leave feeling like they were winning… And they were, only that their hearts were not set on the right things and HE SAW RIGHT THROUGH THEM. He knew that they probably had some Identity issues. That they probably weren’t affirmed as much as kids. That maybe, all their lives all they needed was to be celebrated for the little milestones they had achieved, you know… That probably some of them struggled with envy and jealousy, only that it was to subtle for any human being to decipher. It could have been a lot of things or just that one little thing. Point is, He saw it. He says that:-

His word is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart... Hebrews 4:12

He searches the heart and tests the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds… Jeremiah 17:10

Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but He weighs the heart… Proverbs 21:2

The pure in heart are blessed, for they shall see God… MATTHEW 5:8

The Heart, I could go on and on about it… That was exactly why Jesus answered the way He did in VS. 20. I’ll tell you this though, I wasn’t ready. I didn’t see it coming, He has a habit of sneaking up on us and going into the messy rooms. The ones we don’t let other people into. He thus, very firmly, yet graciously corrected the disciples’ skewed view of what really mattered. And it hit me so hard, as if He was telling it to me in person. I cannot even begin to count the number of times I HAVE GLORIFIED the things I do for Him or in Obedience to Him, over the very gift that is salvation. Even if I do it in His Name. Neither can I, almost in equal measure, account for the times I HAVE TRADED HIS GIFT FOR CHEAP THRILLS. Run for cover elsewhere. Refused to give myself fully to something he had assigned me to, for fear of WHATEVER… Consistently doubted what he has already placed inside of me, because I valued someone else’s opinion about it over His. Literally, leveraged all I had done in His name to try and get Him to answer my prayers quicker… As if HE OWED ME! The heart…

This is where I was that morning. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Done with going round the same mountain over and over again. But God! The Intentional Pursuit of God, chasing me down… Relentlessly affirming and reassuring me with a voice so gentle. The Patience of God. The inexplicable and undeserved Mercy of God. Led me to the Truth that morning. Rebuked my self-righteous filthy rags so sternly, But AFFIRMED ME so distinctly. If you ask me, this was the last scripture I would have landed on if I was to choose an encouraging verse to read on any given day. Yet, the timeliness and weight of it all… The simple reminder that I had not attained salvation on my own account. That if I never had anything else to be grateful for, from a human standpoint, MY NAME BEING WRITTEN IN THE LAMBS BOOK OF LIFE, was more than enough reason to always rejoice. Incase you have forgotten, let this be a reminder, that THE GRETEST ACHIEVEMENT YOU’LL EVER HAVE IN THIS LIFE AND ETERNALLY, is that YOUR SINS ARE FORGIVEN! All of them. Past, Present and Future.

This doesn’t happen everyday, friends… and If you are tempted to want to trivialize this TRUTH, please resist it. God wants us to remember what He did for us daily. On good days and bad days. To keep us humble on both days. Yes, I said it… Looking down upon yourself and deciding to have a pity-party, and labelling it a bad day, is Pride.

Yes, I’m still swallowing this bitter truth myself. Truth be told, there’s a false comfort that this position affords us. It feeds something in us that says, I don’t deserve to be here, I am not as gifted like so and so, I don’t have enough… to… I don’t deserve to be on that platform… and so on and so forth. It disguises itself so well as humility and a low sense of worth, but what it is, is just pride. The pride that allows us to play victim and never take responsibility for our actions. The kind that, affords us the right to whine about our current state of affairs long enough to forget what we already have in our hands. The kind of pride that cultivates an entitlement to things always working out our way and never submit to any kind of authority. The kind that attacks as anxiety and terror and hinders us from stepping into our calling. And if we are not careful, we wind up wasting a whole season’s worth of lessons and growth. Blocking any sight and opportunity to behold the GIFT WE ALREADY HAVE.

Now, because of cynicism, we FAIL to see value in this dear Truth. I mean, one might ask, so will this Truth pay your bills, will it cure your thirst, will it put food on the table, will it land you that job, will it fix any of your actual problems… well, no. At least not directly, but here’s what it does, it shifts your perspective. It renews your mindset. It changes your heart posture from entitlement and self-seeking agendas, to A HEART FULL OF GRATITUDE. I should know… I am a true testament to this. And because it is out of the abundance of the Heart, that the mouth speaks… And it is out of the heart where all issues of life flow… Then beat by beat, things start taking a turn for the better. Not because of a change in circumstance, but a revelation that Godliness with contentment is great gain.

Don’t be fooled though, I still fall on my face more times than I can count. Yet, since the focus is not on what I can do, But what CHRIST ALREADY DID on that cross more than two thousand years ago. I can then afford a smile even when I make a complete fool out of myself, as He gives me the Grace to be HUMBLE.

How liberating it is to know that there’s nothing I can do to change God’s opinion of me and to finally see what truly matters. Forget the dos and don’ts. Is your heart at the right place? Will you honor the next appointment? Are you willing to part with the pride that blocks you from appreciating what you already have?

LIFE: A SERIES OF HEART CHECKS

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Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

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This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.